Sweet Child of Mine
by Sandylee007
Summary: Reid leaves after traumatic events. Six years later Morgan sees him again – with a boyfriend and a daughter who looks a bit too familiar…       SLASH, M-PREG   MorganxReid, maleOCxReid, MorganxfemaleOC     A POTENTIAL SIX-SHOT
1. Prologue

A/N: Heh, it's only logical to start a new story when finishing a old one, isn't it? (snickers) And this time I was hit by the about the last plot-idea I would've ever expected. (sweatdrops) I seriously have no idea where this came from! I blame it on the flue I'm having at the moment.

WARNINGS: SLASH, M-PREG, language, adult themes… Weird stuff. Such fun. (grins sheepishly)

DISCLAIMER: Let's say that if I DID own anything of 'CM', there'd be A LOT more money on my bank account. (pouts)

Awkay, because I REALLY have to get this one out before I change my mind… Let's go! (gulps) I REALLY, really hope you'll enjoy the ride!

* * *

**_Sweet Child of Mine_**

* * *

The hotel room was dark and quiet as Derek Morgan entered, feeling more exhausted than ever in his life.

Their team had done its job, the Unsub had been caught, the case was over. But that, of course, wasn't the end of the story. Especially today.

Derek blinked twice when seeing that there was already a dark figure in one of the room's two beds. He noticed in an instant that the person was breathing far too fast to be asleep. Swallowing thickly he took off his jacket and took two steps closer before freezing. For once in his life he didn't have the slightest clue what to do, how to approach the situation. "Hey", he half-whispered in the end. A part of him hoped that his roommate was asleep, after all, so they wouldn't have to have this conversation. "Did they… discharge you already?"

There was a long silence after the slight shake of a head he just saw in the dark. "They wouldn't have wanted to." Dr. Spencer Reid's voice was much lower and quieter than usual. "They made me sign some papers, and made me swear I'd come back if necessary."

Derek nodded, although all his sense told him that the other wouldn't see it. Finally managing to summon the required courage he walked all the way to the bed and sat slowly to its edge. He felt the urge to brush visibly tensed up Spencer's hair, but then thought better of it. He took a deep breath, noticing absentmindedly that the brunet still smelled like the hospital and something else he would've much rather ignored altogether. "Are you…?" He cleared his throat, then tried again. "Do you have any pain?"

Spencer clearly focused hard on breathing for a while. "It's not too bad anymore. I just took a couple of Aspirins – I'm waiting for those to kick in." Finally the brunet shifted so that they could really look at each other. The young genius' eyes looked much darker than usual in the room's barely existent light. The man breathed, long and hard. "The thing is… Strauss came by today, after you left."

A flare of rage immediately ran through Derek. His eyes narrowed. "What the hell did she want?" he snarled through tightly grit teeth, his fists balling so tightly it hurt.

Spencer's eyes moved, focusing rather on the wall than him. It was a loud warning of what was to come. "She… wanted me to take some suspension, so I can recover from…" The rest died out while the younger man's eyes darkened still.

The rage inside Derek intensified, filling him so that he was afraid he wouldn't be able to restrain it. "How could she just…!"

"I agree with her", Spencer interrupted, making absolutely everything freeze for Derek. Once more their eyes met. The brunet swallowed loudly. "I… keep having nightmares. And even when I'm awake I see his face. I won't be able to do my job."

Derek found it hard to breathe through the lump that appeared into his throat. "It's only been five days!" he half-exclaimed. "It'll take time, I know, but… You'll get over it eventually. Do you really think we wouldn't be there for you every step of the way?" Do you really think I wouldn't?

"That's what I'm worried about. Because… I'm not sure if I'll ever get there, okay? After those two months I… I'm not sure if I'll ever be the same again." It was all too easy to feel just how hard those words were to produce, to see how much ache swam behind those eyes. "I know you're trying to hide it, but I can see how careful you all have to be with your words and actions. You guys are like my second family, but I… I can't deal with this when I have to worry about you. I have to leave, at least for a while."

Several emotions danced inside Derek, with such force it was nearly suffocating. And then his eyes narrowed as the anger finally took over. "Fine."

Spencer's eyes were practically pleading, torn. "Morgan…"

He shook his head, interrupting the other harshly. "We slept together once. That doesn't mean you'd have to run your decisions past me." With that he got up much faster than his head would've liked and headed towards the room's door without looking back. "I need to go and get some air." Even as he slammed the door Derek knew he was being childish and stupid. But that didn't stop him as he walked out of the building, fighting furiously against the hellish stinging that took over his eyes.

He spent most of that night in a nearby bar. When he finally wobbled back into the room Spencer was already asleep or at least feigned sleep remarkably well. In the morning the young genius was gone.

Two days later Derek was the only member of the team who wasn't there to say goodbye to Spencer at the airport.

Sitting in the plane Spencer found his trembling hand sliding instinctively to his stomach. For the first time since being thrown from one nightmare into another he let two tears escape. "I'm sorry, little one", he whispered, so quietly that no one else but the life growing steadily inside him heard. "I'm so sorry."

As it turned out he forgot to come back until several years later.

* * *

_Six Years Later_

* * *

It was a long and hard process, but in the end the team had no other choice but to learn to cope without Spencer. The young genius kept sending a letter every now and then, to let them know how he was doing. Derek never read them, nor did he want to hear a word of what'd been written into them. That's why he couldn't know that every single letter ended with the words 'Tell Morgan I'm sorry'.

Life went on. And eventually Derek managed to sleep through most nights without dreaming about Spencer and waking up in tears he would've never admitted to anyone. He even managed to go through some days without thinking about the young genius.

That morning there was a surprisingly emancipated smile on his face as he entered a tiny bookstore. It didn't take long before he spotted the store's owner, a rather beautiful latino woman of his age with long light-brown hair and huge brown eyes that always had a smile in them.

He grinned when the woman gave a gasp as he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. "Sorry, baby." He leaned over to kiss her cheek. "I didn't mean to startle you."

As though instinctively she brought a hand to his. He didn't see her face, but he was almost sure she was smiling. "I was… worked up by something." She nodded towards the space between two huge shelves that were full of books. "Her father asked me to keep an eye on her for a while. She's been rooted to that spot for almost an hour."

Looking towards the pointed direction with curiosity Derek felt very cold all of a sudden. There, sitting on the floor with a mountain of books around her, was a girl at the age of perhaps four or five. Those books should've been much too demanding for her, but that wasn't what almost startled Derek. What truly got to him were the child's long, brown hair, those eyes and facial features. Despite the fact that her skin held a touch of mocha she looked almost too familiar…

"Do you think we could also have one of those someday?" When the woman in his arms realized he wasn't responding she looked at him with a frown. "Derek, what's wrong?"

Before he could ever answer the store's door opened, making the bell above it chime. As soon as he saw the person entering Derek's entire world stopped. Cold spread through his whole body.

The arrival dashed to the child, scooping her gently into his arms. "Hey, sweetie. I'm sorry it took this long."

The child grinned widely. "It's okay. I love these books! Do we have to go home?"

Her father shook his head with a smile and a sigh. "What am I going to do with you?" The man then started to turn his gaze. "Thank you so much for…" Just then the man turned – and two pairs of eyes widened as his met Derek's. It took what felt like less than seconds for recognition to dawn. "Morgan?"

Once more a storm of emotions flared inside Derek. His hold on the woman most likely tightened. "Long time no see, Reid."

* * *

TBC, or not?

* * *

A/N: Soooo… There's something different. (grins sheepishly and sweatdrops) BUT, other than different, was that any good, at all? Or should I throw this into a trash-can and pretend this never existed?

PLEASE, let me know what you thought of this one! It'd seriously mean the world to me, especially since I'm a bit insecure with this idea. Pwease…? (gives puppy's eyes)

Awkay, it's getting late and I still have a ton of things to do, so I'm tuning out.

Thank you so much for reading this! Maybe I'll see you around later?

Take care!


	2. LifeGoRound

A/N: Heh, I'm back – and right on schedule, too! Yosh? (grins)

BUT, before jumping on chapter two… GOSH – thank you so much for all those reviews! You can't even imagine how happy I was to start making this chapter when so many were expecting it. (beams, and GLOMPS) So thank you!

Awkay, before I start over-thinking and decide against sending this or something… (gulps thickly) Let's go! I really, REALLY hope you'll enjoy the ride. (glances nervously)

* * *

CHAPTER 2 – Life-Go-Round

* * *

Spencer was no stranger to awkward situations. But even he'd never been in a situation quite like this one.

"Daddy?" There was a questioning look in his daughter's eyes. "Who is he?"

He took a deep breath, not having the slightest clue how to explain this one. "Morgan… is my old friend."

The girl blinked twice, obviously still trying to figure things out. "Oh."

"So you got a kid?" Derek's voice was filled with barely controllable emotions and the man's eyes were even worse, having estimated the child's age. The unvoiced accusation was loud and clear.

Spencer felt the urge to wince. This was getting even uglier than he'd feared…

Derek's choice of words didn't please his daughter the slightest. She pouted, almost glared at the dark-skinned man. "I'm _not_ a _kid_!" she claimed angrily before he could say a word to stop her. "I'm Joey, and I'm five."

Spencer gave the child a loudly speaking look. "Don't start that, now." He had to gather his courage for a while before managing to meet Derek's eyes. He swallowed thickly. "Yeah, this is my daughter, Josephine."

Derek nodded stiffly. Despite all the years passed Spencer couldn't avoid feeling a stab of hurt when seeing the way the dark-skinned man tightened his hold on the woman in his arms.

The woman, obviously feeling very uncomfortable with the situation at hand, cleared her throat. "And I'm Gemma, Derek's fianceé." She held out a hand for him with a smile. "It's always good to meet Derek's friends. I'm surprised he didn't invite you to our wedding, though."

Spencer tried to smile while taking her hand, but was fairly sure it was closer to a grimace. "Let's…" He cleared his throat again. "Let's say I'm not the wedding kind of a type. One per year is enough for me." Good lord… If he wouldn't get out of the store soon…!

Gemma shrugged, appearing mildly confused by the still lingering thick atmosphere. "We'll, there's still three months left. Maybe you'll change your mind."

By then Spencer was _sure_ he'd suffocate. It felt like there'd been an elephant sitting on his chest, and his eyes stung hellishly. Breathing was a nearly impossible task, and it took several moments before he dared to even think about talking. "I… I doubt it. But thanks, anyway."

"You're… welcome", was all Gemma managed to produce.

"Daddy." Joey's voice carried mild impatience. Clearly she was done listening to adults' talk she couldn't truly understand, no matter how bright she was. "Can we go and get a gift for aunt-Penelope now?"

Spencer blinked once. To be honest he'd almost forgotten about Penelope and Kevin's wedding gift, although her invitation to the wedding was the only reason he'd come back. He didn't like the thought that Derek could still mess his head so.

He actually managed to smile this time. "Yeah, Jo-Jo." He hated calling her by a boyish name, and she destested her full name. That petname was their compromise. "Let's go."

Spencer honestly thought the situation couldn't get any more uncomfortable. Universe decided to prove him wrong. Because in a few moments the door opened, making the bell above it chime loudly. In walked a very attractive man in his early thirties with practically black eyes and equally dark hair. And before he could do a thing the man had wrapped one arm casually around his waistline. "Hey", the arrival all but purred, kissing his ear and ruffling Joey's hair so that the girl giggled.

Spencer felt heat on his cheeks as Derek and Gemma stared, the latter with mild surprise and the former with several emotions Spencer couldn't even name. And here he'd thought he was already comfortable with public displays of affection.

This time it took even more than usual to cough the blockage from his throat so he could speak. "Hey", he muttered, then nodded towards the couple behind the counter. "I… met an old friend."

For the first time in what felt like ages Derek moved and spoke, grabbed the arrival's hand. There was a storm in the dark-skinned man's eyes. "I'm Derek Morgan, Reid's… old friend." The last two words came with audible difficulty.

The arrival nodded, one eyebrow halfway arched with wonder, then shook hands with Gemma who also introduced herself. "I'm Shawn, Spencer's boyfriend." A frown crossed Shawn's face. "I'm surprised I haven't heard of you. I thought I knew all Spencer's friends."

Spencer had hard time meeting the look Derek aimed his way. The silence that followed was stretched and loaded. "We'll, it's been a while since we last talked."

Shawn didn't appear convinced, but fortunately chose not to pry further. "Hmm."

"Well…" Spencer felt his muscles twitch with tension while he licked his lips. He'd really thought he was over those nervous habits. "Since we don't have a lot of time, let's go and find that present, 'k?" He focused firmly on Joey, not wanting to look towards Derek. "What do you say if we go and get some ice-cream afterwards?"

A huge smile appeared to the child's face while she nodded eagerly.

He muttered Gemma a one more 'thank you' for keeping an eye on Joey for a while, then let Shawn lead him towards the door. They were almost outside and safe until Derek spoke once more. "Hey, Reid?" The man nodded towards Joey, obviously fighting to appear sincere. "Congrats."

Spencer nodded, unsure how to feel, and glanced swiftly towards Gemma. "You too." And then he walked out before anything more dangerous could be said. The door closed surprisingly loudly behind him.

As soon as they were outside and Spencer had put Joey to her seat in the car Shawn gave him a look and frowned. "What the heck was that about?"

Spencer shook his head, pleading with his eyes. "Something that got messy." He sighed when seeing the look in his boyfriend's eyes. "Stop that. Didn't we make an agreement that we wouldn't meddle in each other's pasts?"

Shawn shrugged, relaxing slightly. "Well, as soon as he _is_ in the past."

Spencer couldn't avoid glancing towards the bookstore once more while grabbing the car's doorhandle to enter. "Trust me", he murmured, surprised to hear the hint of sadness in his voice. "He's as far in the past as possible."

* * *

Inside the store Gemma frowned lightly while watching the couple's car drive away. "What happened between you two?"

Derek looked at her with the eyes of a threatened wild animal. "What do you mean?"

She fought the urge to roll her eyes. "Oh please, I could almost touch the tension between you. And I heard the way you spoke to him. So what happened?"

Derek's mouth became a thin line, which was what happened every time the man was about to lie to her. And then the man's cell phone started ringing. Derek was quick to pick up. "Yeah?" The man listened for a while. "I'll be there in fifteen minutes." Her fiancé didn't look at her until ten seconds after hanging up. "We got a new case – I've gotta go. Can we talk about this later?"

Gemma wanted to snort. "Is there any choice?"

Derek sighed. "Don't be like that." The man gave her a chaste kiss – they were never longer or more intimate than that before a case. "I'll see you soon, I promise."

"Yeah", she murmured, licking her lips. "See you later."

Not saying a thing she watched how Derek disappeared from the store. Usually he would've flashed her a smile, perhaps even blown a kiss. And she couldn't help wondering…

How many things were there in Derek's life she didn't know about?

* * *

Over the years Aaron Hotchner had been described with a lot of words. 'Stupid' had never been one of them. And as he observed Derek, who was sitting on the opposite side of the jet, he came to a conclusion that he'd have to do something.

Emily Prentiss, who'd been half-asleep, jolted back to awareness and gave him a questioning look. He merely shook his head, his expression tight. "There's something I have to take care of. Go back to sleep."

She knew better than to object. After a second or two she closed her eyes.

After waiting for a while and gathering his thoughts Aaron made his way to Derek. The dark-skinned man woke up from his thoughts immediately and looked at him with slight surprise, taking off his headphones. "What is it?"

Aaron had never been a huge fan of circling around things, and he chose to go straigth to the point this time as well. He sat down with a light sigh, having a feeling that soon enough he'd have one hell of a headache. "Lately you've been forgetting things. And this morning you paid no attention during a case briefing."

The other man frowned, visibly getting defensive. "Are you saying I can't do my job?"

"I don't know", Aaron responded honestly, eyeing the other carefully. "All I know is that since Reid came back you've been… distracted. Almost as badly as you were when he left."

Derek's eyes narrowed, undoubtedly more at himself than anything else. "I'm fine."

"I really hope so." Moving quite stiffly Aaron got up, heading towards his own seat. "But you really need to sort this out, Morgan. Otherwise you're endangering the entire team."

Aaron's words playing in his ears Derek folded his arms and looked out the window with still narrowed eyes.

He should've been thinking about the case, perhaps even about Gemma. But all that fit into his throbbing skull was Spencer Reid.

* * *

When Penelope Garcia and Kevin Lynch had bought a big, beautiful house from the suburbs few had been surprised. After all, despite her nerd-side Penelope had always been the domestic, motherly type. She'd decorated the house with pride and love.

Sitting in a swing on the house's porch in rapidly falling night's dark, Spencer tried to will his muscles to relax in the cosy atmosphere. But all that fit into his head was Derek Morgan.

He shivered a little with startle when the door behind him opened. "Hey." In a few moments Penelope sat beside him. "I thought I was the only one awake."

He shrugged, feeling mildly uncomfortable for some reason. "I… couldn't sleep." He wondered how to set his words, running a hand through his hair. In the end he gave a tiny, dry chuckle. "I guess I keep thinking too much."

He could hear the sigh Penelope pulled back. "Well, I don't think that'll ever change." There was a stretched pause. "Look… I know Morgan can be incredibly stubborn sometimes, but he's going to get over it eventually. So don't give up on him?"

He managed a thin smile. "Hmm." He discovered that it was a bit easier to breathe, now. "Hey, Garcia? Thanks for letting us stay here."

Penelope smiled as well. "Of course you can stay here, sweetie. Are you kidding? I love spending this much time with my goddaughter." She brushed his hair affectionally. "And maybe I can do something about those sad eyes of yours, too."

He tried to smile once more. With that he got up slowly and stretched, noticing that his muscles were stiff and sore from sitting outside in the cool air. "I better go, before Jo and Shawn wake up wondering where I am."

Garcia nodded, giving him a warm look. "Goodnight. And try to get some sleep."

"Yeah." He gave her a slight wave. "'Night, Garcia."

As the door closed after Spencer Penelope emitted a deep, sad sigh, shaking her head. About five minutes later she got up and headed inside as well, deciding to spend some quality time with her husband-to-be.

Entering the room he, Joey and Shawn had been given Spencer couldn't help smiling at the sight he met.

Lay on the bed Shawn was fast asleep with a serene expression and one arm wrapped securely around Joey, who'd snuggled closer to the man's warmth.

Hearing him close the door Joey opened her hopeful eyes. "Papa-Shawn fell asleep in the middle of the story", she whispered, using a petname they'd chosen after a careful debate. "Will you finish it?"

The smile on Spencer's face widened a fraction as he nodded. "Sure, if you promise to go to sleep right after that."

Joey nodded eagerly, her entire face growing brighter.

While slipping into the bed he gave Shawn's cheek a chaste kiss although he wouldn't have needed to be careful. They always joked about how deeply the other man slept. He then took the book Joey offered and arched an eyebrow. "'The Chronicles of Narnia' already?"

Joey shrugged, snuggling as close to him as possible. "I got bored with Grimm's."

One corner of Spencer's lips twitched as he wrapped his arm around her and took a comfortable position.

While reading quietly with the two centres of his life around him Spencer almost managed to fight away the feeling that there was something wrong with the picture.

* * *

A week slipped by. The team came back from the mission, and Penelope's anxiety kept growing as her wedding was only days away. Life kept streaming on, not giving chances for breathers.

And Derek fought, truly fought, not to think about Spencer. He failed miserably, and crash-landed when Gemma sent him to the pharmacy. Because two steps outside the store he almost literally ran into Spencer.

It took a tiny eternity before either of them could speak. In the end he was the one whose mouth worked first. He needed to get some of the venom spat out. "So it took you six years, huh?"

Spencer sighed, looking away. "I… didn't mean to be away so long. But life got in the way."

Although he knew it was uncalled for Derek felt something even stronger than anger spread through him. His eyes narrowed, became dangerous. "Like Shawn? And your daughter?" He took a sharp breath, but couldn't stop although the other man winced at his tone. "The rest of the team's known for a long time, right?"

Spencer licked his lips, appearing torn. "I didn't know how to tell you."

"Tell me what?" He knew he was crossing a line, that his tone was much too harsh. But the hurt was just too great, the wounds were still too fresh. Damns, such he'd successfully kept up for the past six years, came crashing down. "That you slept with some woman as soon as you'd walked away from me? Or did it happen before that?" The volume of his voice made a couple of people look their way curiously.

A dangerous look he'd never seen before appeared to Spencer's eyes when they finally met his. "Don't you dare pull my daughter into this, Morgan!"

Morgan breathed hard. It was too late to stop the flood, now. "When… When that asshole kidnapped you, I… I thought I'd lost you – those two months were hell to me, too! I felt that I'd failed you, and goddamnit I still do! And then, when you finally come back, you leave!" '_I thought I could trust you!_' was unvoiced but loud.

For a moment, just a moment, he was sure Spencer would actually punch him. There was immense hurt in the man's rapidly hardening eyes. "Do you really think I don't know what it's like to be abandoned, to be left behind? If… If I'd had the choice… Do you really think I would've have left?" The brunet's breathing hitched a little. "Besides… I did try to come back, exactly a year after I left, but I couldn't find you at first. Garcia told me you'd been spending a lot of time in this bar so I went there." It didn't required high IQ to see the naked hurt in Spencer's eyes. "Gemma… She must've been that woman you were kissing, though I only saw her from behind."

It took the longest time before Derek's head worked well enough to allow him to think. All warmth abandoned his body while facts sunk in.

That day… It'd been his and Gemma's second official date. And Spencer had…

Derek swallowed laboriously, his head spinning a little. He couldn't say he was sorry, because that would've been unfair to the relationship with Gemma he'd fought to maintain. But still, a small part of him wondered what would've happened if he hadn't been kissing the woman, if he'd noticed Spencer standing there…

They stood absolutely still for the longest time, breathing hard and desperately trying to sort out their screaming heads. Once again Derek was the one to break the silence, this time in a quiet, almost calm voice. "Do you… ever regret? I mean leaving."

Spencer sighed, appearing tired and something else Derek couldn't name. "It's like you said, before I left. We only slept together once. Now things have changed – we have changed. And I, for one, care about my boyfriend too much to say I'd regret what I have with him. This is how things are supposed to be, now."

Derek's mouth opened, but before he could say whatever there was on his mind Spencer's phone started ringing. The brunet responded after clearing his throat. "Yeah?" The man listened for a while, his facial muscles slightly more stiff than usual. "'K, I'll be there in ten minutes." Once hanging up Spencer wouldn't look at him properly. "I've gotta get going." With that the man began walking with slow, slightly unsteady steps. "See you later, Morgan."

For several strictly forbidden moments Derek felt a burning urge to open his mouth and call out, to keep Spencer from leaving. But then he squeezed his lips tightly together and headed towards the pharmacy instead, never looking over his shoulder. He liked to think that the stinging of his eyes was caused by the wind.

* * *

When Gemma didn't emerge from the bathroom in ten minutes Derek began to grow alarmed. He knocked on the door with a frown. "Gem? Are you okay in there?" When no response came he opened the door and entered.

He had a feeling Gemma didn't even realize he'd come in as she stood there, shaking violently and squeezing the sink so hard her knuckles turned white. In front of her lay a home pregnancy test. Even from where he was standing Derek saw it was negative.

He winced, feeling a jolt of ache go through him. "Oh no…"

It took ages before Gemma was able to speak in a voice he barely heard. "I… I was so sure it'd be positive this time, Derek. I mean… This is the fifth test in a year. How… How many…?" And then sobs made it impossible for her to keep talking.

For the longest time Derek didn't know what to do. Then, very slowly, he walked over to her and pulled her into his arms. All he could do was hold her while she cried so hard she could barely breathe.

At the moment Derek didn't know which was worse; the pain she was in, or the fact that a tiny, sickening part of him was relieved.

* * *

As soon as he came back to Garcia's house from a jog Shawn knew something was going on. The thought was confirmed when he entered the living room and found Spencer sitting on the couch. The brunet was several shades paler usual, which alone was alarming. It also looked like his boyfriend's hands were shaking.

He frowned, taking some cautious steps closer. "Spence? What's going on?" His eyes then widened. "Jo…!"

Spencer shook his head quickly, finally looking at him. "She's… She's okay. Garcia and Kevin took her to a park and wedding-shopping." The man licked his lips, running a nervous hand through his hair. "It's… I…" The brunet cleared his throat, then tried again. "There's… I have news."

Shawn's frown from before returned and deepened. What the hell was going on? He was starting to grow panicked. Was Spencer sick or something?

Answering his unvoiced question Spencer put something that'd been wrapped to several layers of paper towels to the table before him. The brunet's hands had never been shaking the way they were then.

Dread swirling inside him and preparing himself for absolutely anything Shawn approached the item as though it'd been something hazardous. He took and unwrapped it extremely slowly, almost reluctantly – and felt his heart stop as the contents became revealed.

It was a pregnancy test. A positive one.

Before they'd been sure that Spencer would never be able to produce another child. But now, right there in his hand…

Shawn lifted his gaze slowly, realizing that he was shaking while holding back laughter and tears. Never in his life had he felt anything even close to what was growing inside him. "Are you… Are you serious?"

Spencer nodded slowly, a smile appearing to the genius' face. "Yeah, with how much I've been vomiting lately I'm pretty sure."

That was all it took. Losing all control Shawn dropped the stick, rushed over to Spencer pulled the man into his arms. He was laughing hysterically but at the moment it didn't matter.

He loved Joey but now, he was finally getting a child of his own as well.

"I love you", he whispered, over and over again. "I love you so much."

Burying his face into his boyfriend's chest, Spencer wanted to believe from the bottom of heart that the couple of tears that slid to his cheeks were those of happiness and movement. "I love you, too."

* * *

TBC, no?

* * *

A/N: Uh-huh… Some pickle those two are in! (sweatdrops)

PLEASE, do leave a note to let me hear your thoughts on this one! Pwease? If I look at you with irresistible eyes?

IN THE NEXT ONE (you want such, no?) (glances nervously): It's Garcia's wedding-day, and the whole team is there to celebrate. Circumstances force Reid and Morgan to truly talk – and Morgan gets the shock of his life. Or actually, shock times two. Where will their ailing relationship go from there?

Until next time, folks! 'Hope I'll c ya all then!  
Peace out!


	3. Life's Little Speed Bumps

A/N: Hiya there, folks! I'm back, and with a timely update. Yosh?

BUT, first, of course… THANK YOU so much for those fantastic reviews! (hugs and gives ya some chocolate) It really means a lot that you want this story to continue, you know? So thank you! (hugs)

Awkay, because I'm trying to prepare this update in secrecy (let's not go to details…), I've gotta get to the business. (gulps) I REALLY hope you'll enjoy this one!

* * *

CHAPTER 3 – Life's Little Speed Bumps

* * *

/ _The tiny, almost dark room's air was thick with the stench of rotten wood, moisture and mold as Spencer's frantic eyes searched for anything that could've been described as a clue. His head hurt and spun, and his vision was swaying dangerously._

_Spencer grit teeth and pulled in several wheezing breaths._

_He was _not_ about to pass out here, in the hands of a madman. Because he had a feeling that if he would he'd never make it out alive._

_He twisted his wrists, which had been cuffed above his head, and winced as metal dug into already tormented flesh. He could feel some warm, thick blood slide from where skin was broken._

_"You shouldn't do that, Dr. Reid." The velvet-smooth male voice came so surprisingly that Spencer shuddered involuntarily from startle and disgust. "I'm sure you wouldn't want to make the wounds worse and get an infection. I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to arrange antibiotics for you."_

_Spencer's line of vision was alarmingly narrow and foggy as the arrival walked into it. It was almost ridiculous how utterly harmless that tall, approximately forty-two-years-old man with thick glasses, grey eyes and light-brown hair looked. The only thing that betrayed what lay inside was the sinister little smirk that revealed a row of tiny teeth._

_Spencer found himself breathing unhealthily fast as the man pulled out a long and extremely sharp knife. Clearly skilled hands fiddled the weapon while those unreadable eyes studied his expression. "Calm down, Dr. Reid. I'm not going to kill you at this point."_

_Although it hurt hellishly Spencer fought the shackles trapping his wrists. It was then he realized his feet barely touched the ground because of how high he'd been tied. There also seemed to be something restraining his ankles, because he couldn't lift his legs properly._

_The man seemed to enjoy his struggling. "Oh, you're not going anywhere. Because now…" The knife ripped his shirt open, revealing his chest. "… we're going to play a little game to see what you're made of." And then, without a warning, the blade cut through his skin._

_The wave of pain that washed through Spencer was overwhelming, searing. His mouth was tied, so all he managed to give was a tiny, rather pathetic mew of pain that echoed from the depths of his throat. His head swam as the blade kept moving on his skin, ripping a gaping wound, but miraculously he didn't lose consciousness._

_The man chuckled. "Well how about this – you're tougher than you look. This is going to be interesting." The blade kept moving as easily as if cutting butter, forming sickening shapes._

_Spencer wasn't fortunate enough to drift into oblivion. And the nightmare didn't end until weeks later._ /

* * *

In the dark Spencer's eyes flew open and he unleashed a strangled gasp of terror. Instinctively his hand found its way to his chest, where old scars were still throbbing. His heart was beating madly, not believing that the horrors of his dream were over yet. The hand then continued to his still flat stomach. The baby wasn't kicking yet, but he could feel it. Everything was okay.

"Daddy?" There was a frown on Joey's groggy face. "Did you have a bad dream?"

He managed to smile a bit. "Yeah, Jo-Jo. But I'm fine."

He wasn't sure if he reacted the way he should've when the girl wrapped her tiny arms around him all of a sudden, pulling him to a tight hug. "Your hugs always help me when I have bad dreams", she explained.

Spencer couldn't help smiling again at that, faintly but still.

* * *

/ _The day Reid disappeared – right after having been safely in his arms the night before – was one of the longest days in Derek's life. The day the young genius was found wasn't much better._

_To Derek most of that day's events happened so fast he barely registered any of it. There were so many gaps in his memory that it was impossible to form a solid trail of those events. Their team, family, barged into the house where their youngest was held. And there was blood all over his sore knuckles and hands from beating up someone as he rushed downstairs, his gun forgotten somewhere and the members of the team calling out his name. He remembered the pain of almost breaking his shoulder when attacking the door._

_Then he saw Spencer, and everything stopped. The brunet was alive, which was almost more than their team had dared to expect. But that was where the good news ended._

_Spencer… was barely recognizable while just about hanging there, held up only by shackles that'd almost dug into the skin of the man's wrists. There was blood all over him and his torn clothes, and he was covered in so many bruises and lacerations that it was nearly impossible to find a undamaged part._

_Blinking furiously against the stinging and pressure in his eyes Derek forced his gaze to the room's tiny table and noticed a key. That was when he chose to do what he'd always done best – he took action._

_Moving with the speed of adreneline and sheer desperation he took the key and rushed over to Spencer, immediately starting to work on the shackles. "Reid?" he called out in a slightly strangled voice. He swallowed thickly when there was no response, and tried to work even faster. To his dismay he discovered that the brunet was still bleeding. "Spence, Pretty Boy, can you hear me? Open your eyes. Open your eyes and look at me."_

_The moment Spencer was released from the restraints the man's eyes shot open as the pressure disappeared from his wrists. And then those eyes met his. Derek had never heard the kind of a sound that was torn from Spencer just then._

_No amount of soothing words helped as Derek attempted to hold Spencer and undo the shackles around the man's ankles at the same time. Although he didn't even have the strength to stand on his own Spencer fought desperately in his arms, staining his clothes with blood as wounds became torn open in their near combat._

_"Morgan, stop it!" It was Emily's voice that finally broke into Derek's head. She rushed over to them with a stern expression. A million emotions danced in her usually stoic eyes as they took in the condition Spencer was in. "I know you want to help, but you're only making things worse. So let me hold him, okay? Let go of him."_

_Although he knew it was the right and reasonable thing to do letting go of Spencer when he finally had him back was the most difficult thing Derek had ever done. He balled his fists painfully tightly and watched with helpless rage as Emily held Spencer instead, whispering something to him while squeezing the man's fingers with a badly trembling hand. And finally Derek's self-control broke when Spencer fell limp all of a sudden. "What the hell happened?"_

_Emily took in a shuddering breath. "He… He passed out."_

_Without giving it any further thought Derek gathered Spencer easily into his arms. "The hospital's only two blocks away", he answered her questioning look, in a tone that gave out he'd accept no objections. "I'm taking him there myself."_

_Despite the short distance it seemed to take ages before he finally made it to the hospital. Later he realized that someone – most likely Aaron – must've called there on advance, because there was a doctor waiting for him when he barged in through the emergency room's doors._

_The doctor's name was Shawn Ramos. When they met again six years later there was no trace of him in Derek's memory._ /

* * *

When Derek jolted out of his sleep his eyes first flew wide, then narrowed.

For a long time he'd managed not to dream about Spencer. Now the young genius seemed to invade his dreams every bloody night, making proper rest almost impossible.

Making sure he hadn't woken up Gemma Derek climbed out of the bed, feeling hot and restless.

As soon as there was the sound of a door closing Gemma's eyes opened. She fought not to sigh while shifting to look at the empty side of the bed.

From the very beginning she'd known that Derek was a man with a heavy emotional package, and they'd worked hard on it. She'd held on, put up with what Derek and his job had thrown at her, fought her way through the layers he'd shielded himself with. But still, on nights like this, she found herself feeling like she was still on the outside, to no avail trying to see what he was about.

Gemma wiped her cheeks while the sounds of running water drowned the noises Derek made in the bathroom.

* * *

/ _After having been working for almost a full day Dr. Shawn Ramos was so exhausted that his body was practically aching as he made his way through the hospital's hallways. But he valiantly defied the call of staff's break-room, because there was something important and urgent he needed to do first._

_He didn't realize he'd entered without knocking until the tiny female-nurse with long, curly dark-brown hair and blue eyes that'd been staring at a computer screen jumped. "You said Dr. Reid's test results came in", he stated, not managing to be at his most polite at that moment._

_The nurse – Lisa Rendall, apparently – nodded, her expression giving a loud alarm. "Yeah, but I… There must've been a mistake of some sort, or…" She shook her head, her words tangling. "I… I don't understand this. But I swear, I did everything accordingly. The lab… It must've mixed things up."_

_With a deep frown on his face Shawn approached and looked at the screen. Cold settled into his body as what he saw sunk in._

_He couldn't believe it, either. It was imppossible, yet there was no mistaking it. The nausea, dizzy-spells… It all finally got an explanation._

_Shawn swallowed thickly, trying to sort out his head. "Could you…?" He cleared his throat. "Could you arrange a pregnancy test?" He gave her a stern look. "And don't say a word about this to anyone."_

_The nurse nodded numbly, her eyes still wide._ /

* * *

When Shawn woke up in the middle of the night he knew immediately what was going on. Restraining a deep sigh he discovered that Joey was fast asleep, but Spencer was nowhere to be seen. His eyes darkened.

And here he'd thought nights this bad were already in the past…

Careful not to wake up the little-girl he got out of the bed and headed out of the room. As soon as he caught the unmistakable scent of coffee he started following it. Shawn was fairly sure Spencer was the only person in the world who used coffee to nurse himself after intense nightmares. At first he'd tried to change that habit but gave in after three years.

Usually he would've found Spencer stood by the window, shivering violently and face deathly pale. And usually his boyfriend couldn't speak and wouldn't let him touch before the next morning. But as it turned out tonight was different.

A slight smile appeared to Shawn's face when he found Spencer curled up to the couch, sleeping with a empty coffee mug sitting on the table before him. There was a frown on the man's face and he was pale, but at least he was resting.

For the longest time Shawn wondered if he should risk disturbing his boyfriend's newly found rest, but he knew the brunet would be sore in the morning if he'd sleep like that. And so, moving as cautiously as he could, he walked over to the man and scooped the brunet into his arms. A frown crossed his features when he felt the other's much too light weight.

Clearly his attempts of making Spencer eat more hadn't worked as well as he'd hoped.

The thought became cut when all of a sudden Spencer gave a tiny sleepy sound, shifting slightly closer to his warmth. Smiling, he placed a chaste kiss to the brunet's forehead and pulled the man protectively closer to him.

There were no more nightmares that night.

* * *

As many other women, Penelope had been dreaming of her wedding since she was a little girl. And as many women, only minutes before her wedding she was extremely nervous as she sat in a tiny room in the chapel, pulling in deep breaths. "Stop being a coward", she ordered herself, clenching and unclenching her fists while looking at her picture in the mirror. "You get up, walk over there, and get it over with. It's that easy. You can do it for the man you love."

But despite those words she emitted a tiny yelp when there was a knock on the room's door. Derek gave her a slightly mischevious look while entering and even had the nerve to chuckle. "So you're that nervous, huh?"

She gave him a sharp look. "Just wait until your own wedding, sweet cheeks." She observed his image through the mirror and arched an eyebrow. "And here I thought I slept horribly last night. You look like you haven't slept in weeks." Not that fatigue would've stopped him from looking stunning in a tuxedo.

Derek shrugged, clearly not intending to discuss the matter. "Long night, gorgeous." He smiled and brushed her neatly done hair lightly, careful not to make a mess. "But you look beautiful."

She returned his smile tenfold. "Well thank you." Once more she sneaked a glance towards her image. Traditional hadn't been exactly her type, so she'd chosen a white medieval wedding gown that had some red decorating its collar and front. She couldn't wait to see Kevin's face when he'd see it.

She blinked, waking up from her thoughts, when Derek handed something towards her. It was a jewelry box. "I heard you're missing 'something borrowed'. I figured it was my duty to bring it, since I walk you down the isle and all."

Slight heat rising to her cheeks she accepted the box and opened it. A gasp slipped through her lips as she saw the contents. It was a beautiful silvery necklace that had a heart-shaped red stone hanging from it. "It's beautiful! Thank you!"

"My mother used to wear it." There was a warm look in his eyes while he attached the necklace. "It'd be nice to see you wear it for today."

She took his hand and squeezed it. And for a moment no words were needed. Penelope then pressed her lips together for a moment before voicing her thoughts. "Look… Reid's already in here, and he'll be in the reception as well. So I need you to act civil." She examined him through the mirror once more. "Don't make this even harder on either one of you. And if you can talk to him, please. Listen to what he has to tell you." Seeing his expression she went on quickly. "I know, I know, it's not easy – you're still angry. But please. Because this is killing both of you, and I don't want to see any of that today."

For a long moment it was silent before Derek sighed. "Fine. Anything for you, baby-girl." He then tried bravely to smile. "Not let's go. 'Can't let the bride be late."

She grinned while taking his hand, her heart racing once more. "Lead the way, hot stuff."

* * *

Perhaps unlike Derek had expected he wedding turned out to be a rather small affair. Only about twenty people stood there watching as he walked in through the double-doors with Penelope, who was to be shivering against him. Despite the circumstances he couldn't keep his eyes from straying towards Spencer, who was standing there between Shawn and clearly excited Joey. For the slightest of moments a mixture of emotions danced in the genius' eyes before it all became covered once more, leaving the man's smile unscratched.

And Derek felt a painful stab in his stomach.

Just then they were stood only steps away from Kevin Lynch, who seemed utterly elated, extremely nervous and ready to pass out. With a deffinitely genuine smile Derek turned towards Penelope. "Don't worry, baby-girl", he whispered. "You'll do just fine."

It turned out he didn't need to say that. Because there was no nervousness in her eyes as she returned his smile with something ten times stronger. "Yeah. I know." She then gave him a tiny kiss to the cheek before taking Kevin's hand.

Derek gave Kevin a half-faked stern look. "Take good care of her, understood?"

If Kevin had looked nervous before at the moment the man was petrified. "I will."

He exchanged a one more look with Penelope before she nodded her 'thank you' and let Kevin lead her to the altar. He, on the other hand, took his place beside Gemma who immediately slipped her hand into his. Derek couldn't understand why something about it all didn't seem to add up.

The minister – a young woman with long, brown hair and the warmest brown eyes Derek had ever seen – smiled at the couple while starting to speak. "Dearly Beloved, we are gathered together here in the face of this company to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony, which is commended to be honorable among all men. And therefore is not by any to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, discreetly, advisedly and solemnly. Into this holy estate these two persons present now come to be joined. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together, let them speak now or forever hold their peace." The only sound heard in the entire chapel was someone's nervous tapping of feet. The minister went on. "Marriage is the union of husband and wife in heart, body and mind. But more importantly, it is a means through which a stable and loving environment may be attained. Through marriage, Kevin and Penelope make a commitment together to face their disappointments, embrace their dreams, realize their hopes and accept each other's failures. Kevin and Penelope will promise one another to aspire to these ideals throughout their lives together through mutual understanding, openness and sensitivity to each other." The minister nodded at the couple. "Now you can read your vows."

Kevin's eyes still held some fear, but as he spoke he didn't stutter. And the further he got the clearer it became that all he saw was the woman before him. "Today, Penelope, I join my life to yours, not merely as your husband, but as your friend, your lover, and your confidant. Let me be the shoulder you lean on, the rock on which you rest, the companion of your life. With you I will walk my path from this day forward."

There was a slight flush on Penelope's cheeks as she squeezed Kevin's hands. "I Penelope, take you Kevin to be my husband, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live."

Derek didn't know why he lost control over himself like that, but he couldn't keep his eyes from straying towards Spencer once more. At the exact same time Gemma's hand tightened around his. And he had no idea what to think or feel.

A sharp flash of memory crossed his head, and for a moment it was hard to ignore the hellish stinging in his eyes.

* * *

/ _The room was dark as two figures lay on a bed that was a bit more narrow than either one of them would've liked_

_There was a rather uncharacteristic, soft look on Derek's face as he shifted just a little. Not really even trying to stop himself he ran a hand down already sleeping Spencer's cheek. After all, who would've been there to see his moment of weakness. In the spur of the moment he leaned towards Spencer's ear and whispered something he'd never said to anyone with such meaning._

_When he pulled away his eyes widened a bit as he realized that Spencer was looking back at him._ /

* * *

All of a sudden Derek felt that he was being watched. Turning his gaze he met Spencer's eyes. Just one glimpse revealed the brunet was remembering the same night – and the fact that less than ten hours later everything was changed beyond repair.

Firmly forcing his head to the present Derek looked towards the altar. He couldn't resist gringing slightly when seeing how Kevin's hands trembled as the man slipped a beautiful, golden ring to Penelope's finger. Sun made the ring's diamonds shine. "I… I give you this ring as a visible and constant symbol of my promise to be with you as long as I live."  
Once again Penelope was the calmer one of the two. The blonde's smile was huge and emancipated as she slipped a ring to Kevin's finger, then squeezed the man's hand tightly. "I give you this ring as a symbol of my love, my faith in our strength together, and my covenant to learn and grow with you." (1)

"By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife." The minister grinned. "You may now kiss."

At that moment Kevin caught them all by surprise with how boldly he grabbed Penelope and enclosed her to what must've been a mindnumbing kiss.

Derek chuckled and someone whistled as they congratulated the kissing couple with a thunder of applauds. The minister seemed to stiffle a laugh.

"Imagine", Gemma whispered. For the first time in too long the smile on her face was that of pure joy as she looked at the couple. "In a couple of months that's us."

Derek couldn't understand why it was so hard to smile and keep his gaze from straying. "Yeah", he murmured with severe difficulties. And that was all he managed to produce.

* * *

About an hour later the finally whole team – family – gathered to one of the smaller rooms of the restaurant Penelope and Kevin had rented for the wedding reception. The light, even happy atmosphere wasn't disturbed even by the obvious tension between Derek and Spencer. Today was a day of joy. It was hard to believe the past six years had even happened.

"Did you know that 72 billion is spent on weddings annually in the United States?" Spencer inquired after having been almost ran over by a cart with which a new cake was wheeled by them as the former one had been eaten. He then focused on Penelope. "Congratulations."

A warm smile appeared to Penelope's face as she pulled him to a crushing hug, clearly startling him a bit. "Damn we missed you, boy wonder."

"Well", Emily stated with a somewhat amused expression, giving the blonde a hug. "I always thought you'd be the first one of us to tie the knot."

To the team's surprise Aaron also hugged Penelope briefly. "Congratulations, Garcia."

Jennifer Jareau had a grin on her face as she took her turn to embrace the bride, then poked her superior's cheek. "Well how about that, even you're smiling!"

David Rossi's eyes carried a unusual glimmer while he raised a glass. "Here's to Penelope and Kevin."

For some reason that was beyond him Derek noticed that there was water in Spencer's glass as the brunet joined the rest of them to raising a toast.

They spent about twenty minutes together until Aaron had to go because Jack was causing a havoc, and Will gave JJ a call saying Thomas – their three-year-old youngest – needed her. David also excused himself, saying there was something urgent he needed to do. They all noticed he headed towards a woman who was stood alone by the dancefloor.

"I'll be back in a bit, guys", Spencer announced in a moment. The three of them left noticed he looked slightly paler than usual. "I've… gotta go."

Emily frowned, observing the brunet with her case. "Are you okay?"

Spencer nodded a bit too fast. "Yeah, just… stomach cramps."

Derek's eyes were on Spencer as the man went. And no matter how hard he tried he couldn't focus on anything else.

"Morgan, just go." There was a mixture of irritation and amusement in Emily's voice and eyes. "We all know you want to, okay? So go."

Derek wanted to argue, from the bottom of his heart, to say he wasn't attached enough to care anymore. But instead he found himself all but hurrying after the brunet, feeling much more than he should've.

Watching Derek go the women exchanged a knowing look. Finally things were moving forward.

* * *

Spencer had no idea how long he'd been in the bathroom, throwing up absolutely everything there'd been in him and more, until he heard approaching steps. He swallowed thickly just before the door was opened. Before him stood Derek, with a frown on his face. "Are you… okay?"

Spencer tried his best to nod convincingly. "Yeah, just… a bit queasy."

Derek sighed heavily. "You've always been a horrible liar, Reid. So just spill it."

He shook his head, feeling a hint of anxiety. His mouth went dry. "Derek, don't."

Derek's eyes flashed, the fire in then only intensifying. "No. There's something wrong with you, and I want to know what it is. We were best friends once, remember? So stop lying to me."

For the longest time Spencer hesitated, but then lost all control over his tongue. He'd been harboring the secret for six years; he had to get it off his chest, and Derek had the right to finally know. He swallowed once more, gathered absolutely all his strength and courage. And then spoke in half-whisper. "I… I know I'm fine, Morgan. Because I've been through this, before. I've… I've been pregnant before, once."

At first Derek simply stared at him, clearly in a great deal of disbelief. Then, slowly, the man's expression became harder than stone. "That's the worst bullshit I've ever heard, Reid."

Completely without a warning rage – such he hadn't experienced many times in the past – took over Spencer. His eyes narrowed as he spat out. "Do you seriously think I'd _lie_ about something like this? That I'd make up stuff like this?" His breathing didn't sound quite right. "I was already pregnant with Josephine! I was the one who gave birth to her!"

* * *

Slowly yet surely Derek's eyes widened as cold, numbing truth began to sink in.

His mouth opened – for a breath or words, he'd never know. Spencer couldn't stop once the blockage was broken. The younger man licked his lips and ran a unsteady hand through his hair. "You… You saw my report, right? And the… doctor must've told you, when I'd been examined. You… You know what Jonas Davies did to me, during those two months he had me in his basement. So…" The brunet was shaking, almost violently. "When… When I started feeling sick over the last few weeks, I… I honestly thought it was because of the… circumstances. I… I didn't know… It wasn't supposed to be possible! And it's a miracle she even survived." It took several deep gasps and endless moments before the man could speak again. "Since then, I wondered which one of you is the… other father." There was a brief, dry and slightly bitter chuckle. "You know my luck – I was _sure_ it was Davies. But then she was born, and… God, she looked so much like you! So much."

It took what must've been at least twenty seconds before Derek was able to produce speech. "Why didn't you tell me?"

This time Spencer's brief laugh was openly bitter. "How… How was I supposed to do that? Besides… When I came back to tell you, back then, you already had a new life. You were kissing Gemma. A man… A man with your baby didn't exactly seem to fit in."

A flare shot through Derek's whole body. "So you chose Shawn to fill the void?"

Spencer's eyes narrowed slightly. "Shawn was the doctor who first figured out I was pregnant. He took care of me when I was first taken away from Davies' house. He was the one who suggested leaving the city – he left his job, his life here, to help me and Josephine. It's because of him I'm still alive, and now I'm going to have his baby. He _isn't_ just someone I _chose_. I fell in love with him!"

They were both breathing sharply, this all too huge for them to take in and deal with. In the end Derek swallowed thickly and headed towards the door. "I… I've gotta think, okay? I need to think." Because at the moment he had no idea what he was about to do, and it scared him.

Spencer didn't make a move to stop him.

Derek threw the door open, never noticing that it was slightly ajar, then walked through – and froze, his eyes widening slightly.

Only a step away from the door stood Gemma. And the look on her face quickly revealed that she'd heard far too much.

* * *

Some hours later Penelope and Kevin's house was almost eerily quiet with the couple having headed for their honeymoon. Only Spencer, Shawn and Joey had stayed, having been promised that they could use the house for a few more days so they wouldn't have to stay in a hotel before leaving the city.

Spencer drew in a deep breath while looking at his daughter's sleeping face that held a slight smile. It was finally time to have the conversation that'd been waiting for far too long.

He brushed Joey's hair and gave her forehead a light kiss before leaving the room and closing the door. For a few seconds he hesitated before heading downstairs, where Shawn was reading a book on the couch. "Did you have trouble getting Joey to sleep?"

He nodded, his body feeling uncomfortably tight. "She wanted to talk about the wedding." Once more he filled his lungs with a hungry gulp before speaking in a voice he barely recognized. "Look, Shawn… There's something I should've told you a long time ago."

Shawn put the book away with a frown, appearing alarmed. "Is… something wrong?"

He shook his head quickly and swallowed thickly. "No, no, or… At least I hope so." He licked his lips, feeling so nervous his skin tingled. "It's… It's about Jo's other parent."

* * *

That night passed by in a flash for three couples; one of them starting a brand new life as spouses, and two dealing with news that might change everything.

* * *

TBC, no?

* * *

1) Vows found from internet. Thank goodness for Google! (grins)

* * *

A/N: Soooo… All cards have been flipped; Morgan and Shawn know the truth. But what happens next?

PLEASE, leave a note to let me know your thoughts! I'd absolutely love to hear how you felt about this chapter. Pwease…?

IN THE NEXT ONE (you want one, right?): A closure comes to one of the relationships, leaving one heart broken. But before things can be sorted out a violent collision turns everything around, pushing things towards a potential tragedy.

Until next time, folks! I REALLY hope I'll c ya all around then.

Peace out!


	4. Life, Loss, Leaving

A/N: Heh, I know it hasn't been a week yet. But this chapter wanted to be produced early so I thought 'why not?'. I hope you don't mind…? (grins)

BUT, first things first… Thank you so much for those fantastic reviews! (glomps) They seriously mean a lot to me, ya know?

Awkay, because I bet you don't want to read half a page of my note… Let's go! (gulps thickly) I REALLY hope you'll enjoy the ride.

* * *

CHAPTER 4 – Life, Loss, Leaving

* * *

Apart from the pouring rain that'd appeared out of nowhere the slowly dawning morning was completely quiet as Spencer emerged from Penelope and Kevin's house. He felt slightly warmer than before when finding Shawn sitting on the stairs that led to the porch.

"I'm… not planning on leaving, or anything." Shawn's words caught him slightly off-guard. The man pulled in a breath. "I just… needed to think."

Spencer nodded, not daring to approach yet.

About half a minute later Shawn's utterly tense shoulders relaxed ever so slightly, as though the man had come to some sort of a conclusion. "Joey… Even though she isn't mine, I… I guess I wanted to think she is. I haven't wanted to even think about the… other father. Before today I didn't have to – I could pretend." There was a slightly bitter chuckle. "Pretty stupid, huh?"

Spencer felt his eyes soften. Not bothering to think if he was risking something he walked to his boyfriend and lay a gentle hand to the man's shoulder, rubbing softly. "She _is_ your daughter, Shawn. You've been in her life since she was born – you've raised her with me, loved and protected her. Who knows how either one of us would've turned out without you! It's not all about biology."

Shawn was quiet for a moment. "What about Derek?"

He grit his teeth, not sure why he felt a sharp twinge. "I'm not sure if he wants anything to do with Jo. I don't think even he knows. And whatever part he wants, he could _never_ replace you." He squeezed Shawn's shoulder. "He has another life, now. And so do I."

Shawn breathed, but didn't speak. The shoulder Spencer was still holding twitched.

Spencer swallowed thickly, a tight ball forming in the pit of his stomach. He had to gather himself for a second. "If you want to leave…"

Shawn shook his head, finally looking at him. Hard as he tried he couldn't name all the emotions dancing in those eyes. "Spence, for crying out loud, I'm not going anywhere unless you want me to!" The man's voice then turned slightly softer. "I'm not leaving you." Those eyes were utterly soft as they glanced towards his still flat stomach. "I'm not walking out on any of the three of you, because I'm planning on being a better father than yours."

Spencer nodded, not sure what else to do. It took what felt like ages before he managed to speak again. "Are we gonna make it through this?"

Not saying a word Shawn placed a hand on top of his, which was still rubbing the man's shoulder, and squeezed. And somehow the rain didn't sound so loud anymore.

* * *

Rain was the only sound heard in the room as Derek and Gemma sat in the kitchen with two mugs of long since coldened coffee placed to the table between them. They'd been supposed to talk as soon as they got home, but over the past two hours they hadn't uttered a word. Somehow it felt like the situation at hand was beyond words.

In the end Derek swallowed thickly, feeling uncharacteristically unsure. "We've gotta decide how to get over this, Gem."

It took a long moment before he got a reaction. "You… You have a kid with someone else, Derek!" Gemma's eyes were moist, but she wasn't crying. "That little-girl, Joey… She's your daughter. And… I can't just ignore that. We can't pretend she doesn't exist!"

Derek took a deep breath, his feelings much too close to the surface for this conversation. "I know. I know." His fingers twitched, but he didn't quite dare to take her hand. "But you do know that it _doesn't_ change the way I feel about you, right?"

Gemma's eyes were somewhat sad as she looked at him. "It's not the way you feel about me I'm the most worried about." She swallowed thickly, visibly bracing herself to look at him. "I… I don't have a clue of what happened between you two in the past. But I do know that since Spencer came back your mind's been with him all the time. I'm not sure if you even realize how much you love him, but I know. And I don't think you stopped for even a second when he was away."

Derek opened his mouth to tell her that she was wrong – that he _didn't_ have feelings for Spencer, that she was the only one he could imagine spending his life with. But he couldn't get a single word out.

Several endlessly long moments drifted by before he spoke surprisingly quietly. "Where do we go from here?"

Gemma sighed heavily, and he could see she was shaking. Her eyes refused to meet his, instead focused on the window although rain made it impossible to see through. "I'm going to gather some of my stuff and go to my mom, at least for a while. But… After that…" She shook her head, appearing close to tears but holding strong. "I… I really don't know. I only know that I don't want to marry someone who thinks of someone else on our wedding day and ends up regretting ever marrying me. I don't want to end up making a huge mistake." She grit her teeth tightly. "I… I think deserve better than being a second choice. And you deserve better than your second choice."

Derek wanted to say something, anything. But instead he squeezed his lips to a thin, tight line. He didn't manage to move a muscle as Gemma got up after a second, bravely keeping up a strong front as she cast a one more look towards him before leaving the room.

And just like that it was too late.

Outside the rain continued as Derek groaned and buried his face into his hands, feeling a nasty headache rising.

For the first time in years he had absolutely no idea where the hell his life was going.

* * *

The following day Shawn had some urgent things to take care of, so Spencer took Joey to a nearby park. It felt strange to sit there, in a city that'd once been his home. And it got even weirder when he saw the person approaching him.

He swallowed with severe difficulty. "What… are you doing here?"

For just a moment Derek appeared almost amused while shaking his head. "I don't have a clue." As though moving free of will the man's eyes shifted towards Joey while the dark-skinned man took a seat beside him. Several emotions swam on the the older man's face before he was able to control himself. "I… still can't believe this is all real. That this is possible."

Spencer's painfully tense muscles relaxed. "Neither can I."

There was a long, surprisingly comfortable silence before Derek spoke. "She's hell a lot like you."

One corner of Spencer's lips twitched. "Whether that's a good thing or bad."

They observed the little-girl for the longest time deep in thought before Derek spoke, most likely not meaning to say the words out loud. "I wish you'd told me. You _should've_ told me." There was some sadness in the man's voice. But for the first time since his return the anger was completely gone – perhaps Derek had grown tired of it. "I… I would've been there for you, both of you. You should've trusted me."

Spencer felt a sharp jolt of guilt and sighed. "I know. And… I'm sorry. But for a long time I wasn't sure if she was even yours, I wasn't sure about anything – I was scared out of my mind. And when I found out the truth, after she was born…" He shrugged, feeling something he couldn't name. "… it was too late. You'd moved on."

To his surprise Derek didn't explode. The man was close to smiling. "And here I thought you're a genius. We were friends long before all that shit started, before… _that _night. Nothing changes that." It was the dark-skinned man's turn to shrug. "I guess I should've remembered that sooner, but you know how I can be." '_Especially when it comes to you_', went unsaid. "I didn't really think until last night."

Spencer smiled when Joey looked at him with a radiant smile of her own and a wave. Beside him Derek shifted, as though feeling uncomfortable. It was easy to tell that for a moment Derek wondered just how much he'd lost. And Spencer had never felt such guilt in his life, not even when his mother ended up to a hospital.

"When… are you going to leave?" Derek asked all of a sudden in a tone he'd never heard before.

Spencer hesitated, not wanting to disturb their newly found peace. "Tomorrow, in the morning. Why?"

There was a surprisingly unsure look on Derek's face. "I know this probably sounds stupid, but… Can I buy Jo ice cream, or something?" Seeing his nearly shocked expression the man went on. "It's not like I could just start playing dad, and I don't think she'd need a third father-figure, but… I want to be uncle-Derek, at least. I want her to know me."

Spencer didn't know exactly why, but at the moment it was easy to smile. "Yeah", he murmured, turning his gaze back to his daughter although it was surprisingly difficult to look away from Derek. "That…" He cleared his throat. "That sounds like a good idea. She loves ice cream."

* * *

Saying Joey was excited about getting ice cream would've been a huge understatement. And when she heard that Derek would buy her the biggest ball in the world the dark-skinned man had won her over completely.

Spencer had hard time disguising his amusement when he saw Derek's openly stunned look as the little-girl said she wanted mocha of all flavors. "Are you sure?"

Joey nodded without a hint of hesitation. "I love mocha!" At the moment her eyes were so much like Spencer's that it surprised both him and Derek. "Did you know that it's the favorite flavor of about four or five percent of people?"

Derek clearly had hard time stifling a laughter. "No, I didn't." The man looked at him. "Damn, Reid! She's deffinitely taking after you."

Feeling more relaxed than he ever had since arriving to the city Spencer smiled a bit. "I know." He ruffled the girl's hair. "It's only a matter of time before she starts drinking coffee."

Derek returned his smile. And for the first time since he'd been abducted Spencer felt like things were normal between them. Like they could finally move on from all that crap.

He snapped out of his thoughts when Derek handed Joey her ice cream. She took it like it'd been the world's most precious treasure. "Thank you, uncle-Derek."

Derek's face tightened, barely even noticeably but still, at the world 'uncle'. But the man's expression was almost soft. "You're welcome, kid. Not let's get us a table."

To Spencer it told a lot that Joey didn't protest being called a 'kid'.

A bit later Spencer watched how Joey blabbered constantly while licking ice cream, shooting out facts that didn't seem to fit into the mouth of a five-year-old, and Derek joined in with stunning ease. And Spencer couldn't help thinking that the moment felt right somehow.

* * *

When Derek came home several hours later the first thing he noticed was the envelope lay on the carpet less than a step away from the door. He frowned, then took the envelope and opened it as swiftly as if it'd burned.

It turned out to be a letter, along with Gemma's engagement ring. The words he read made everything freeze inside him for a moment.

'_Dear Derek,_

_I didn't sleep at all last night, because I couldn't stop thinking. I couldn't stop thinking about you, us. And the further I got the more clearly I realized just how insane it all was._

_I do love you. But I can't throw the rest of my life away for something that isn't even real. No matter how much I'd give you it wouldn't be enough, because I just don't have what you're looking for._

_As much as I would've wanted this, us, to work I can't live in a illusion. And I can't make you do so, either. So I'm letting you go – I'm letting both of us go._

_I need to be away from you for a while to think clearly, so I'll spend a month or so in Europe. It's something I've wanted to do since I was a teenager, and now I'm finally strong enough, brave enough. I have you to thank for that. Maybe over that time I'll finally find what I've been looking for. I hope you'll find what you're looking for as well, whether that's Spencer or something else entirely. And who knows. Maybe we'll both end up happy eventually._

_With love, always,_

_Gemma_ '

For the longest time Derek simply stared at the letter in his hands, barely managing to believe. And then he dashed out of the door and threw it closed.

* * *

After the somewhat bizarre morning with Derek Spencer decided that he needed to sort out his head. And as he always did when there was something on his mind he walked. Walked until he was in a part of the city he'd never seen during the many years he lived there.

He blinked twice, as though waking up from a dream.

A second later he was almost startled when his cell phone started ringing. He cleared his throat before answering. "Yeah?"

"_Hey._" Shawn's familiar voice held some confusion and worry. "_You've been away for over an hour. Where are you?_"

Spencer had to chuckle a bit at that as he looked around. "Honestly? I have no idea." He then noticed a subway station nearby. "I just found a subway. I'll be there in a bit."

"_'K. See you soon._" Shawn sounded slightly calmer. "_I love you._"

In all honesty Spencer couldn't tell what the expression on his face was like. "I love you too." He wasn't sure which one of them hung up.

He took the first couple of steps until his phone bleeped, informing him that he'd received a text message. He took a look, almost sure the message was from Shawn – and felt his whole world tilt for a moment as the words registered to him.

'_Can you come to that park where you were with Jo earlier? We need to talk._

_-Morgan_'

He stood absolutely still for the longest time, barely daring to breathe in fear that it'd push him off balance. And then, so harshly that it almost hurt, he came to a decision.

Spencer made it to the stairs that led down to the subway until a sharp, extremely painful twinge in his stomach forced him to halt. He felt the little color there'd been on his face disappear as he leaned heavily on the railing, shaking violently. The first wave of pain had barely passed by when another struck, and he had hard time keeping himself from screaming. One of his hands flew to his stomach as something seemed to be twisting and turning there. He'd never felt anything such, and found himself feeling as scared as only a parent can be for their child.

Something was wrong. _Badly_ wrong.

And like things hadn't been bad enough fate decided to butt in once more. A man who looked like a bodybuilder walked past him, giving him a firm shove. "Get out of my way!"

The push might've been perfectly harmless under any other circumstances. But Spencer had been in a bad balance to begin with, and the light thrust was enough to shatter it completely.

He only managed to emit a loud gasp before he was flying through the air – and landed violently to his stomach. In a flash pain shot through his body once more, with ten times more strength than before, and if there'd been any air left in his lungs he would've screamed.

The last thing he felt before darkness consumed him was absolutely all the pain centering to his stomach and something warm sliding to his legs.

* * *

TBC, for a bit, right?

* * *

A/N: Oh boy… (winces) We'll see just how things roll forward from there, when there are so many complications to be sorted out. And what about Reid and the baby?

PLEASE, do leave a review! You clicking those blue words down below would make me so happy, ya know? So… Pretty please? (blinks cutely)

IN THE NEXT ONE: Things change once more when a tragedy strikes. Will this open a route to a happy ending, and if so for who?

ONLY TWO MORE TO GO! (sobs a bit)

Until next time, folks! I really, REALLY hope I'll see you all then!

Take care!


	5. Living a Nightmare

A/N: I'm baaack! Which, I guess, is only fair considering the cliffie I threw at you. (sweatdrops and grins sheepishly)

BUT, before getting to the business… THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for all those reviews! You can't even imagine how happy you've made me, especially when it's been a insanely hectic week. (hugs again) Thank you!

Awkay, because I can practically hear you seething… Let's go! (swallows) I REALLY hope you'll enjoy the chapter.

* * *

CHAPTER 5 – Living a Nightmare

* * *

Derek couldn't explain the feeling of dread that lingered inside him while he sat in a park, waiting how Spencer would respond to his message.

It'd been long, just a little bit too long for him to feel comfortable with it. Had he made a huge mistake? And what the hell was he doing, exactly? It was clear Spencer loved Shawn. Did he really have any right to mess with that?

Before he could ever finish his reasoning, however, his cell phone started to ring. He shivered a little for some reason when noticing who the caller was.

His dread from before deepened, leaving a frown to his face as he picked up. "JJ? Weren't we supposed to have a day off?" And then, before she could respond, he caught on. "What's wrong?" Although he had a much too clear idea. The last time he'd received a phone call like this Spencer had been taken for two months by that asshole.

"_I… thought you should know._" It sounded like JJ gulped, hard. "_It's Spence… He's in the hospital._"

Derek didn't bother asking more questions. He put away his cell phone and ran, his body feeling cold and heavy.

* * *

Perhaps Derek should've asked for further instructions, because once he actually made it to the hospital it took almost half an hour before he managed to find Spencer from the depths of the huge building. Or actually, he didn't find Spencer. He saw Shawn. And for just a moment everything stilled inside him.

Shawn was leaning against a nearby wall, his head buried into one hand. It didn't look like the man was crying, but he was obviously close to it.

A rope wrapped itself around Derek's throat, making breathing properly next to impossible.

He managed to take two more hesitant steps until Shawn noticed him. The man didn't appear irritated or hostile when seeing him, almost an intruder. The only emotions visible were fatigue and sadness. "Spence, he… He fell down the stairs, of a subway station." The man gulped thickly and blinked several times, looking away. "He lost the baby." The last words were practically whispered, but Derek heard all too clearly nonetheless.

Ice filled Derek's veins, and he was fairly sure his eyes widened slightly while his body turned heavy. It took a while before he could produce speech. "Is… he okay?"

Shawn shook his head. "He's resting right now. I haven't seen him awake. So… I don't know." It could easily be translated as 'no'.

Derek woke up from his thoughts when Shawn cleared his throat and spoke in a somewhat hoarse tone. "I… left Joey with JJ, they're at Kevin and Penelope's. I have to go and see how she's doing – she was startled pretty badly by this." The man seemed to have some difficulties with looking directly at him. "Could you… stay here, in the meantime? They gave Spencer quite a bit of sedatives so he shouldn't wake up for another couple of hours, but… Just in case." Shawn breathed in deep. "He… He shouldn't wake up alone."

At first Derek couldn't respond in any way, whether it was because of shock or something else entirely. But then he managed to nod, stiffly. "Yeah. I'll stay." In all honesty he didn't think he would've been able to leave even if he'd been told to.

Shawn nodded, then gave him a look he couldn't read. The man glanced towards the nearby hospital room's door and turning to walk away.

For a mighty while Derek was uncharacteristically hesitant as to what he should do. Then, pulling his lungs full of air, he turned and headed into the room Shawn had looked at. Once inside he froze for a long moment to the room's doorway.

Spencer was sleeping, although not too soundly. There seemed to be no color on the brunet's face, which held an expression of discomfort.

To Derek the sight was a much too vivid reminder of what he'd seen years ago, after Spencer had been treated in the hospital for the two months long hell. Sure, there were no bruises and wounds, but still.

All of a sudden Spencer moved, emitting something quiet and incoherent.

Derek knew some considered him the boldest member of their team. Those people wouldn't have recognized him now. Swallowing with difficulty he took a cautious step closer, finally daring to take the extremely uncomfortable chair next to the bed. "Reid? Are you awake?" A tiny frown from the younger man coaxed him to go on. He wished he would've dared to hold the brunet's hand, to offer at least some degree of physical comfort. "C'mon, Reid. Open your eyes."

It took what felt like ages until Spencer's eyes finally opened halfway, glancing blearily towards him. At first the brunet frowned, clearly not understanding the situation at hand for a couple of blissful moments. But then Spencer's eidetic memory kicked in, and the man's rapidly widening eyes filled with such terror Derek had never seen in them, no matter how many times the brunet's life had been threatened. One of the young man's hands flew to his stomach, desperate to feel the life in there. "The baby…?" Spencer's voice was thin and barely audible, but didn't fail to meet Derek's ears.

Derek felt utterly cold, and wished suddenly that someone would come and interrupt the situation. How the hell was he supposed to tell Spencer that…? "I… I'm so sorry", he whispered in the end, his voice tight and raspy. And suddenly no words seemed to be enough. He swallowed once more, feeling like there'd been a cactus stuck in his throat. "I'm sorry." It was barely even a whisper, but sounded deafeningly loud in the tiny room.

At first Spencer simply stared at him with wide eyes. And then, in a beat, something broke.

Spencer didn't cry – perhaps it would've been better, easier on Derek, if he had. At least then he would've been able to do _something_. But the crack was somewhere so deep there was no way he could've reached it.

For several painfully long seconds Reid squeezed the part of his hospital gown that covered his stomach, holding on so tightly that his knuckles turned white. But then, without a warning, the hold broke completely as all foolish hope disappeared. Derek barely noticed that, because he was much more focused on what was happening in Spencer's eyes. The exact same second the hold broke almost all emotions disappeared, leaving behind only two moist, empty depths. The sight broke Derek's heart.

Derek swallowed, unsure if saying anything at the moment would be a very good idea. "Look… If you want to talk…"

Spencer shook his head, interrupting him, then came to think of something. If it was even possible the man's face fell paler than before. "Does Shawn… know?"

Derek blinked once, feeling a flare that felt far too much like jealousy, then managed to gather himself for a nod. "Yeah." He held a brief pause. "We… thought you wouldn't wake up in another couple of hours, so he went to check up on Joey – she's with JJ. He should be back in a bit."

Suddenly, joining the ghosts of all emotions he'd seen before, fear appeared to Spencer's face. It was around then Derek caught on.

Restraining a sigh he leaned forward, once again wishing he could've touched Spencer without doing more harm than good. "Reid, he's not mad at you, nor is he blaming you – no one is."

"How can you be so sure?" It was easy to see just how close to breaking down completely the younger man was, but the frail resolve held. Spencer refused to look at him, instead focused on the window. Outside sun was shining, so brightly it made the brunet blink furiously. "I… I don't even remember what happened! I just… I know I was walking around, I think I had a headache, but that's it. I can't… I can't even remember _how_ I lost the baby. So… How could I know, for sure?" Slowly, with clearly showing reluctance, Spencer's eyes shifted towards the abdomen that'd not too long ago been the home of a baby. "How am I supposed to look Shawn in the eye?"

Before any of Derek's million thoughts could be finished the room's door opened. Derek wasn't sure which one of them stiffened more when they spotted Shawn stood by the doorway. There was a somewhat unsure look on the man's face.

The last thing Derek wanted to do was leave Spencer, especially after something like this. But he felt all too much like an intruder.

He got up slowly, clearing his throat. "I'll… go, and tell others you're awake. I'll come and check up on you later."

Spencer nodded, his eyes locked on nothing in particular.

As he walked out of the room, passing by Shawn who didn't even look his way – too focused on Spencer – Derek felt like he was in the middle of some kind of a game. And he was losing.

* * *

Time stood still in the room after Derek left. That was until Spencer heard Shawn move.

"How's Joey?" It came out almost mechanically, without any thought or effort. It was kind of comforting to notice that his parental instincts, at least, hadn't been damaged.

There was a moment's confused silence until Shawn replied. "She's fine, although she's a bit startled and confused by what's going on. JJ's looking after her, spoiling her rotten. I think Jo's already falling for poor Henry."

It all sounded so good, comforting, that for a moment Spencer managed to float out of the reality at hand. But then Shawn moved once more.

Spencer tensed up, his eyes widening slightly. "I'm sorry." His voice didn't sound quite right, but perhaps that didn't matter at the moment. He licked his lips, wondering why they felt so dry. "I… I know we were supposed to go back home – your job…"

"You think my _job_ is what I'm worried about now?" It wasn't until Shawn spoke in a sad, strained voice Spencer realized how close the other man was. A gentle, slightly unsteady hand brushed his hair. "We… We lost our baby, Spence. And… I almost lost you, too. They said you lost so much blood it's a miracle you didn't go into a shock." The arms wrapping around him made him shiver at first, but soon he relaxed to Shawn's familiar, comforting touch. "So I focus on what I have right here. And you…" A kiss was planted to his hair. "… you have nothing to be sorry about, 'k?"

Spencer gulped hard, blinking against the stinging that crossed his eyes briefly. "'K." He just wished he'd believed that. He took a hold of Shawn's shirt and squeezed tightly, desperately. It took a long time before he could speak again. "I… I wish I could just go home. I hate hospitals." The cold, sterile hospital room made the feeling of something being amiss feel even greater, made the loss worse. Made the guilt feel worse.

"I know." Shawn started rubbing soothing circles to his back. He wished there hadn't been tears in the man's voice. "Still, you've gotta stay here a bit."

Suddenly Spencer's mouth and eyes were filled with something that itched and burned hellishly. His breathing was slightly off while he shifted to another position, trying to make himself feel comfortable. "I… I'm sorry", he said again, wishing Shawn didn't hear how his voice cracked. He inhaled sharply. "I… know how much you wanted…" He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, fighting the urge to caress his stomach like he had what felt a blink ago. Finally he managed to brace himself and met Shawn's eyes. "I'm sorry."

Shawn's eyes held a million emotions, but none of them was one of those he'd feared to find. "Stop saying that, Spence. I know you loved that baby, and I bet the baby felt that, too. It's just… Things went this way, this time." The man shrugged, inhaling and exhaling. There was no wheezing or hidden tension. "Who knows, maybe we'll get another chance, one day."

Spencer grit his teeth, the turmoil inside him easing narrowly. "What if we don't?" His fingers got restless. "You could…"

"Spence, stop." No one had ever spoken to him like Shawn did just then, and it felt incredibly good. The man's arms pulled him deeper into the embrace. A warm hand caressed his hair. "I chose _you_. I _want_ you. Always, with or without a baby. We'll get through this together. Understood?"

Spencer felt slightly lighter than before. Perhaps it was because of medication and fatigue. The one thing that felt much heavier than before were is eyelids. He just wanted to sleep and wake up to discover that today was nothing but a nightmare. "Yeah", he managed to murmur with the slightest of smiles. He breathed in Shawn's familiar scent, gradually overcoming the pain that'd swirled around his stomach since he woke up. "Understood."

Shawn said nothing further, only pulled him slightly closer. Apparently he wasn't the only one exhausted.

He fought bravely against the tempting world of dreams, but soon lost. He drifted into a unnaturally deep, medical induced sleep.

It wasn't until Spencer was asleep Shawn finally gave in to what he'd been yearning to do since hearing the horrifying news.

He buried his face into Spencer and broke into soundless sobs.

* * *

The following day came, slowly yet surely. Spencer spent most of that time in a drugged half-sleep, so he couldn't really tell one hour from another. He just knew that he'd been in the hospital far longer than he would've liked.

Considering the dim and pale light it was either very early in the morning or rather late in the evening when there was a knock on the room's door. He blinked twice, stubbornly waking himself up just before Morgan peered in. "Hey. Do you think you're up to taking some visitors?"

He blinked once more, medication and too much sleep making his head fuzzy. "Visitors?"

To answer his question Morgan signaled someone he couldn't see yet to enter. And in a matter of moments a very familiar group entered. For some reason Spencer felt his stomach knot, as though he'd been caught doing something forbidden.

Aaron's face, as usual, betrayed very little and David wasn't much clearer as the men greeted him. The expressions of Emily and JJ, though, finally gave him the answer he'd been looking for. They _knew_. Of course they did.

"Hi Spence", JJ greeted with a smile that looked almost like her usual one. Her voice was a touch too soft. "How are you doing?"

He licked his lips, which was a instinctive reaction to how uncomfortable he felt with the worried attention. "I… I'm fine." The people before him were profilers, and considering he couldn't convince even himself he was pretty sure they knew he was lying. He hadn't managed to cry, or feel much aside guilt just yet. And he knew the breakdown was inevitably approaching, looming somewhere behind the corner.

Clearly sensing his discomfort Morgan spoke up. "You must be bored here, so we thought we could try and give you a bit of distraction."

Spencer had by then lost track, so he couldn't tell how manieth time he blinked owlishly. "Oh." He waited for a beat. "What… do you guys have in mind?"

Finally there was a resemblance of normalcy when Emily revealed a deck of cards, almost grinning. "What else?"

Spencer wondered if the team knew they succeeded in something. Because as he smiled, just a little bit, he relaxed fully for the first time since the nightmare began.

The team was so focused on the game that they couldn't possibly know they were being observed. Through the tiny glass on the room's door Shawn watched the commotion, saw the strange makeshift family gathered together to support one of their own.

And at that moment he came to a decision.

Pulling in a breath he took his cell phone and dialed the numbers he'd been avoiding since a day before they came to the city. The answer was almost instant. "Hello? This is Dr. Shawn Ramos." He breathed again. "I still have to run it past my… partner, but… I'd like to talk to you about the job offer."

* * *

One more day passed until Spencer managed to exhaust his treating doctor into discharging him. Shawn had some job-related matters he needed to take care of, so Derek offered to give the genius a drive to Penelope's house.

While they sat into his car Derek darted a nearly worried glance towards Spencer when the younger man hissed barely audibly. "You should've taken those meds the doctor suggested. He said…"

"Morgan, I'm fine", Spencer cut in, trying very hard to sound and seem convincing. He wasn't entirely sure what to call the expression on the brunet's face. "I've… got some cramps, but it's only to be expected. I've been through worse." They both knew bitterly how true, at least physically, that was. "So… I'm fine, 'k? Stop worrying."

Derek felt tempted to shoot back 'Then you stop giving reasons to worry!'. Instead, however, he nodded. It didn't require Spencer's IQ to understand that the man was far from fine. Perhaps Derek could cut him some slack, just this once.

Lingering in his thoughts Derek stopped the car to traffic lights, not paying a lot of attention to their surroundings. It was infuriatingly hard to pay attention **to** anything else when he was in such a small, confined space with Spencer and the other man's scent seemed to fill his car.

Those thoughts shifted when he sensed a change in the atmosphere. Glancing to side he frowned when seeing the tight, deeply troubled look on Spencer's visibly paled face. "Reid?" There was no reaction, but he went on anyhow. "You okay?"

It didn't look like Spencer even heard him; the man seemed to be lost in a world of his own. Following the younger man's gaze Derek understood why. A stab shot through his heart.

On the other side of the street a young man, most likely of Reid's age, was cradling a tiny baby gently in his arms. The man's actions were confident and most of all loving. The baby seemed to fit perfectly into his arms.

Derek opened his mouth, but before he could speak a loud car horn's honk announced that the light before them had turned green. Forcing himself to focus on the situation at hand Derek drove to a nearby parking lot and stopped the car before turning to look towards Spencer. He didn't know what all to feel when facing the sight.

He was fairly sure Spencer hadn't cried since he miscarried, that the younger man had been so intent to put a brave front and just get over it that he hadn't allowed himself to break down. But at that moment, finally, tears leaked. First slowly, one by one, but as Spencer failed to wipe them away more came rapidly.

"Hey…" Derek knew his voice was atypically soft but he couldn't help it. "It's… It's okay. Everything's okay."

He wasn't sure if Spencer even heard him when the man buried his face into one hand, still trying to cover the sobs although they were starting to gain volume.

Once again Derek felt infuriatingly helpless as all he could do was wrap his arms around Spencer and hold on tight while the younger man cried, so hard the brunet could barely breathe.

* * *

After his miniature meltdown Spencer was _exhausted_. Feeling it all wash over him, going through all those emotions… It was overwhelming. Apparently so overwhelming that at some point of the drive to Penelope's house he fell asleep.

He frowned when waking up in a dark room, at first not understanding where he was. Mild panic flowed through him until he felt the familiar scent of all the scented candles Penelope had scattered everywhere, recognized the shapes in the dark.

He took a deep breath to relax his body, then shifted to side. Without him even noticing it he smiled slightly when noticing that Joey had once again snuggled against his side with a look of utter contentment on her face. She was clearly relieved he was back, although she must've sensed something was off. Then his gaze moved to Shawn, who was sleeping soundly on Joey's other side. The position of the man's head revealed he'd been looking at Spencer before falling asleep.

Spencer would've wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep, to enjoy the moment of bliss with his family without thinking about _anything_, without feeling anything more than _this_. But apparently his body chose otherwise.

He had to fight to hold back a yelp when pain shot through his stomach, circling there mercilessly. It felt almost like something had been trying to crawl out. He wasn't comfortable with taking pain medication, but he knew he needed _something_.

Careful not to disturb the other two he crawled out of the bed, the entire time holding back a whimper of pain when movement irritated his abdomen. He made it to the door before realizing that there were other people in the house.

He froze before the closed door when hearing Emily' familiar voice. "_Is he okay?_" He felt a tiny twinge at how tired and worried she sounded.

"_Yeah, he's… fine._" Derek's voice sounded strange, off. "_He's sleeping._"

There was a long silence until Emily spoke. "_Morgan, you've barely been home in two days. You should go and get some rest._"

"_It's okay._" Derek's voice sounded just a little bit too tight. "_I've got no rush._"

"_What about Gemma?_" Emily's voice held a hint of confusion. "_Doesn't she…?_"

"_Gemma and I broke up, okay? We broke up!_" Then, realizing his tone, Derek went on a bit more softly. "_She… left me._" The man swallowed so hard Spencer heard it. "_She… said I care about someone else more._"

Spencer blinked twice, feeling even more uncomfortable with eavesdropping than before. He had _not_ expected that.

Emily was quiet for the longest time before talking in a voice Spencer barely heard. "_Morgan… Are you still in love with Reid?_"

Spencer could barely breathe. _No._ It just wasn't possible…

The silence was long and heavy. "_I… I don't know._" The man sighed. "_I guess…_ _Yeah, I do._"

At first Spencer couldn't even process what he'd just heard. But as reality dawned his body started shaking, almost violently so, and absolutely all warmth disappeared from his body.

Still, after everything, Derek…

He took a step backwards, not remembering the tiny table that was located directly behind him. He blinked once when hearing something drop from the covers of the table.

Had he broken something?

Slowly, as though dreading, he looked downwards. And once more everything turned frosty.

There, shining in the moonlight that illuminated through the room's window, was what looked very much like a engagement ring. It wasn't Kevin's or Penelope's – it was his size, precisely.

His eyes were wide as he moved them extremely slowly towards Shawn's sleeping form.

And suddenly Spencer felt like he'd been ripped in two.

* * *

TBC, for a one more chapter

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A/N: Oh dear…! Now THERE'S a LOT for one person's plate. (winces)

You know… Before tuning out **there's something I'd like to ask**. There's only one chapter of this story left, BUT… I feel like I'd rushing if I'd finish this tale there entirely. So, **what would you say if I wrote a sequel for this story**? It deffinitely wouldn't be longer than six chapters, but it'd FINISH the tale. What do you think, would it be a good idea?

PLEASE, leave a note to let me know your thoughts! Awww, c'mon, those blue words down below are so tempting.

**IN THE NEXT AND** (at least for the time being) **LAST ONE**: Reid faces quite a bit of pressure when newly found information and two huge suggestions tear him in two. What will he and fickle fate decide?

Until next and (for this story) last time! (sobs once)

Be good!


	6. Epilogue

A/N: My GOSH! I can't believe this story's already coming to an end. (sobs once) I'll really, REALLY miss this, ya know? (sighs)

BUT, before getting to the actual matter at hand… Thank you so much for all those fantastic reviews! (GLOMPS) You seriously know how to boost up author's inspiration. So THANK YOU! (hugs once more)

Awkay, because I'm kind of short of time… (gulps) Let's get started! I really, REALLY hope you'll have a good ride!

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CHAPTER 6 – Epilogue

* * *

Derek didn't sleep that night, which was why he was like a zombie when slumping to his chair in the BAU-headquarters.

Emily arched an eyebrow at him. "Damn, Morgan. You..."

One sharp look from him was enough to convince her into silence. "Trust me, I know."

He almost managed to drown himself into paperwork until Emily spoke again, her tone far more serious than usual. "Look… I know you don't want to talk about Reid, but listen to me." Her eyes were stern and compassionate at the same time, carrying a uncharacteristic amount of emotion. "I know what it feels like, to mess up royally in love department. I know it hurts like hell right now. So if you ever feel like talking, or even if you don't…" She left the rest hanging, but he heard it anyway.

He gave her a brief nod of gratitude, firmly sealing the conversation. With that he found his hand wandering to the upper drawer of his desk. The item put there made him freeze.

It was a picture of him and Spencer, taken just before _that_ night. He wished he would've remembered why they both looked so happy as he had his arms wrapped around the younger man. Spencer's eyes were shining.

Derek swallowed thickly and blinked rapidly three times.

The picture was something he'd kept throughout the years, unable to throw it away or destroy it even when he was with Gemma. It wasn't until now he admitted to himself why.

He just hoped, with everything there was in him, that it wasn't too late.

* * *

When he woke up in the morning the first thing Spencer felt was headache. It wasn't a miracle, really. He was almost sure he hadn't slept longer than an hour the night before.

He was all too used to having a million thoughts in his head all at once. But the situation at hand passed even his level of endurance. Having two people fall in love with him at the same time after being bullied and cast aside for such a long time, especially facing that right after a miscarriage … It was beyond overwhelming.

"Daddy?" Joey almost whispered, obviously not wanting to disturb him if he was asleep. "Are you awake?"

He took a breath, then opened his eyes halfway and smiled when seeing Joey stood beside the bed. "Yeah, I'm up." He stiffled a yawn. "What time is it?"

"Eight twenty-three", Joey responded, far more sure of the matter than any five-year-old should've been. "Papa-Shawn's making breakfast. He asked me to come and see if you're awake yet."

Spencer didn't feel like saying he wasn't really hungry at all, so he smiled once more instead. "Thanks."

Joey, however, didn't appear satisfied. He blinked once when she stood absolutely still on her spot, looking at him with clear worry. "Jo?" he inquired while pushing himself to a sitting position. He was pleased to discover that his stomach wasn't as sore anymore. "What's wrong?"

The child swallowed thickly, still appearing uncomfortable. "Are you… okay? I… I couldn't wake you up, after uncle-Derek carried you to bed. Isn't that…?"

"Jo." In the spur of the moment he sat to the edge of the bed and leaned closer, then embraced her. After a blink Joey clung to him with all her might. "I'll be fine, okay? Just fine. So don't worry." He hoped he sounded believable enough for her, that she wouldn't have to know everything. After all she was just a little girl, and he'd long since sworn to keep her from having to grow up as fast as he did.

Apparently Joey felt the need to be a little girl, too, because instead of arguing or stating facts she nodded fervently and squeezed him nearly tightly enough to make him grimace with pain. He hugged her back and swallowed, fighting with his all to hold back his screaming thoughts.

And for the time being that was enough.

Joey claimed she'd already had breakfast so she went to watch TV while Spencer made his way to the kitchen, holding one hand on his uncomfortably squirming abdomen. And here he'd thought he wouldn't experience morning sickness anymore.

All nausea and discomfort, however, became forgotten as he froze by the kitchen's doorway.

Shawn had, apparently, woken up early. For the man had already been to a store and prepared a huge breakfast with omelettes, bacon and pretty much everything one could possibly desire. Spencer knew the man had most likely done this at least partly out of guilt, because Shawn felt like crap for not having been the one to pick him up from the hospital. But still, gestures like this… They overwhelmed him.

Finally sensing him there Shawn turned and grinned. "'Morning. So you finally decided to wake up."

For some reason Spencer's throat felt dry when he took in the sight before him, feeling slightly guilty although he wasn't entirely sure why. "You… did all this?"

Shawn shrugged, appearing slightly amused by his shock. "Why not? I had sparetime in my hands." The man's expression grew slightly more solemn. "Plus… There's… kind of something I want to ask you."

Spencer didn't know why, but he felt incredibly heavy as those words sunk in. He sunk into a chair, feeling almost numb. And then his mood changed once more, making his skin tingle pleasantly as he got himself some breakfast, working on auto-pilot.

The swings reminded him uncomfortably of when he'd still been pregnant.

Shawn spoke so unexpectedly that he shuddered just a little bit. "I've… been thinking lately. A lot." The man's eyes searched through his, as though looking for answers long before he could've possibly given them. "I know you've been asked to work here, in the university. Several times. And… Just before we came here I got a job offer, too, as a chief of staff. We'd both be paid a lot more than we are now."

Reid stared at him for a while, then swallowed. His head felt a bit fuzzy. "Are you suggesting we should move?"

Shawn shrugged. "Now's the best time, before Joey goes to school." There was a pause that stretched. "What do you say?"

In all, utter honesty Spencer had no idea what to say. One half of him screamed that living in this city, so dangerously close to Derek, was the stupidest thing to do. But the other half… "Do you really want to?" he inquired after giving it a moment's thought. 'Despite Morgan?' was something he didn't dare to add out loud.

Shawn nodded with an expression he couldn't read. "I think we could both use a little bit change right about now."

"Okay." Spencer felt like he'd been floating outside his body as he said that, almost breathlessly. He nodded, as though to convince himself of his words. "Then… Then let's do it."

Shawn's eyes softened, and before he could prepare himself for it the man's lips had been pressed to his. His body responded a second or two before he even realized what was happening. "Okay", Shawn breathed against his lips. "In that case… Do you think you're up to going to a little trip?"

Spencer arched an eyebrow. For some reason his stomach made backflips.

* * *

The following morning Morgan was fairly sure his heart skipped a beat when he received a text message from Spencer in the middle of a jog, asking him to come to a nearby park.

The hesitated only for a second, then turned on his heels and ran.

About ten minutes later he sat wordlessly next to a clearly thoughtful Spencer, who'd chosen a bench in one of the park's most isolated parts. He gave a wave and a smile to Joey who greeted him excitedly from a small distance before focusing on examining a tree.

He took a deep breath before talking. "It still feels unbelievable, to imagine that she's mine", he stated, unsure if he'd even meant to say it out loud.

Perhaps he shouldn't have, because Spencer jolted slightly with discomfort. It took a long moment before the man spoke. "I… called you here, because I wanted to talk to you about something."

Derek frowned, feeling chills of dread all of a sudden. "Is everything okay?" His voice was tight and carried a sharp edge.

Spencer was careful to keep his eyes cast straigth forward. "Shawn… suggested we should move back to Quantico. And I said 'yes'." The younger man swallowed. "Yesterday he took me to see this house, only a couple of blocks from Penelope's." The brunet blinked once, appearing slightly dazed. "It's… It's everything we've been looking of. Four bedrooms, a yard with three apple-trees, even a swing…" The genius trailed off.

This time it was Derek's turn to swallow thickly, disbelief bubbling in his veins. "So…" His voice wasn't even nearly as strong as usual. "What does this mean?"

Spencer breathed in deep, as though having forgotten to do so for at least a full minute. "It means that it'll be easier for you to be in Jo's life, if you want to." Suddenly the man's face seemed a lot tighter than before, those eyes refusing to meet his. "And it means that we need to talk. Because… I kind of heard you, last night."

Suddenly Morgan felt inhumanly cold, and he was almost sure his eyes widened a little. "Shit…!" slipped out before he could stop it.

"Did you mean it?" Spencer shot out hurriedly, as though afraid of losing the courage to speak out. Still the man wouldn't look at him.

For a moment Derek almost wished he would've managed to say 'no', but he was done lying to himself and others. Besides, how was he supposed to lie to Spencer? "Yeah", he breathed out, half-expecting something to break immediately at those words. Nothing happened – only a mere moment slipped by, almost like a breath. He licked his lips, much like Spencer did when he was nervous. "I did."

Spencer was quiet for so long that it put a crushing weight to his chest. Then, ever so softly, came a breathed out "Oh".

Time slipped by, and the silence hanging above them became crushingly heavy. No matter how bold he usually was Derek felt intense need to bolt away until Spencer finally spoke in a voice he barely heard. "I… I've thought about you, since I left. Way more often than I should've." There was a nearly torn look on the brunet's face as the man ran a hand through his hair. "There's been times, when I've almost…" The younger man licked his lips and seemed to fidget. "I… I don't have a clue what I'm doing. I can't think straigth anymore." The man sighed, appearing exhausted and throughoutly torn. "I just… don't want to hurt anyone."

Derek found himself emitting a 'Hmh'. "Yeah. I know the feeling." Memories of his time with Gemma came flooding in, filling him with guilt. Another bout came when he could actually sense the turmoil inside Spencer. Timing really wasn't his strong suite, it seemed. He took a breath to calm himself, to try and bring some sense to everything. "I'm sorry", he half-murmured.

Spencer shook his head. Finally their eyes met, albeit briefly. "You can't change the way you feel, okay? Now…" The eye-contact broke. "Now we've just gotta find a way to deal with this."

Derek nodded slowly, still in that strange daze. "Yeah."

He was confused for a moment when seeing how Reid stiffened with a nearly wild, startled look. It wasn't until then he realized that one of his hands was only a millimeter away from the brunet's. Feeling the other's body-heat sent chills up his spine. Neither dared to move for the longest time until Spencer pulled his hand away with visible reluctance.

Before he could say a word the brunet got up abruptly. "I've… I've gotta go." With a brief wave Spencer began to walk away, towards where Joey was examining something she'd found from a tree. "See you later."

Derek could only nod, although there were a million things he would've wanted to say. A part of his heart broke as he watched Spencer take Joey's hand and walk away, without daring to look back towards him even once.

With a sinking feeling Derek realized that things would be a lot more complicated than before, now. Nothing was the same, except for those damn feelings he'd been running away from for such a long time.

Now all he could do was wait.

* * *

Almost an hour later, after making sure Joey was napping soundly, Spencer found his feet leading him to the room he and Shawn had already been occupying far longer than they were supposed to. He stared at the tiny table placed nearby the room's door for a while before managing to gather the courage to approach. He knelt before the table, then reached out a trembling hand towards where he knew the ring to be and took the item, examining it.

It was extremely beautiful, deffinitely the perfect choice for him. Made of white gold, decorated with nothing but simple engravings.

He hoped from the bottom of his heart that he hadn't been so damn unsure, that he would've known what to do.

What the hell was he doing, really?

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them again to see the ring held in his hand.

And then he realized someone was watching him.

Turning slowly, he felt a jolt when seeing Shawn stood by the room's doorway. The man appaeared mildly amused and extremely nervous. "You… weren't supposed to find it that way", was all the man managed to procude.

Spencer licked his lips, feeling like he'd been in a bizarre dream of some sort. "What… What are you going to do with this?"

At that Shawn managed to emit a tiny chuckle. "Considering your IQ, you can unbelievably slow sometimes." The man took a deep breath before walking to him and all but slumping down to the floor before him. "This… wasn't how I planned to do this, but…" The man's hand shook while it took the ring from him. "I… I fell in love with you pretty much the day we met. I… can't imagine a life without." Shawn searched for the right words for several seconds, not daring to look at him. "I'm not sure if this is the best or worst possible time, but…" Their eyes met, making Spencer's stomach knot, before the man went on. "Will you marry me?"

Absolutely all of Spencer's breath disappeared.

* * *

**_Twelve Months and Twenty Days Later_**

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The university was almost completely dark as a lonely figure sped through the hallways. Suddenly the figure stumbled, leaving a stain of blood to the wall.

Although the runner's eyes were hazy he managed to focus on his cell phone as he pulled it out, just managing to dial familiar numbers.

_Please, pick up…_

However in a matter of seconds the phone dropped from his hand. Because cold steel was pressed against his neck.

He stiffened and unleashed a tiny sound of discomfort as the attacker pulled him tightly to his chest and hissed. "Not… a sound."

Exactly four minutes and thirty-two seconds later a gunshot echoed through the entire building.

* * *

'_Little children, little sorrows; big children, big sorrows._'  
(John Ray)

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**_END… until the sequel appears._**

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A/N: Talking about a teaser for the sequel, eh? (sweatdrops) BUT, thus ends our story – for now. Big wheels sure are turning!

**PLEASE**, let me know your thoughts on this final chapter! Was it any good, at all? Do send a review, it'd make me bounce with joy. Pwease? (gives puppy's eyes)

Once more THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for all those fantastic reviews and listings, and of course for taking the time to read this! You guys ROCK, ya hear? (glomps and showers you with all kinds of gifts) It's seriously been fun to write to you. So thank you!

Until next time, folks – with whichever story that may be!

All the best!

* * *

And, in case you're curious…

The story continues in a six/seven shot called 'Sweet Family of Mine'.

A year later a new case brings Morgan and Reid much closer together. Where will fate lead them? Plus, with lives having changed and the case turning out harder than anyone first imagined, is it too late for a change?

To be aired in a week or two!


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